Dreams of Equality

This semester, I wrote a lot. Now that the semester is over, I would love to share my work and thoughts with you from the semester. This is one of the first pieces I wrote for my Modern Composition and Grammar class. I wrote this piece, earlier this semester, when I had begun to realize that my gender would have a role to play in my experience studying abroad this upcoming semester in Cairo, Egypt. In America, my gender has not been something that I have often had to address within my understanding of my identity. However, as I travel to new places I am challenged to change my understanding of the way I see myself based on the way others see me. As I thought this through, it caused me to be anxious and unable to ever rest. Even if you aren’t a woman in college with insomnia, I hope that you too are challenged to think more about how to face inequalities in a community.

Recently, I haven’t been able to sleep at night. Each night, I toss and turn, rolling around thoughts in my mind about my upcoming study abroad trip to Cairo, Egypt. They are the sort of worries that anyone could have if they wanted to worry about interacting with a culture they have never encountered before. Worries of not communicating clearly, committing cultural faux paus, and offending the people we meet while we are there. One of the worries that weighs heaviest on me is how my gender could impact the way I interact with this new culture. I hope I don’t have this worry because I am suspicious or judgmental towards Egyptian people or their culture. I know the Egyptian people are good and their culture has pro’s and con’s, just like any other culture, even American culture, does. Knowing these truths hasn’t made me worry less. Among my fellow travelers, many of the women echo my fears. When I consider the men who I will be traveling with, I know they will never have worries related to their gender. There is a certain incompatibility between the worries and realities of men and women.

I wonder if this is similar at all to the experience that Pico Iyer first had when he would prepare to go through airport security. In “The Terminal Check”, he describes the frustration of being racially profiled and being checked by security every time he traveled. It would be easy to worry about being able to provide your information, answer the barrage of questions, and somehow, prove that you are not what they think you are. My friend, this summer, was quarantined in a health check in Bangkok, Thailand, just for being born in East Africa. She was questioned and checked and asked to provide an overabundance of personal information to prove that she was supposed to be there and that she was safe. However, when she went through security with all of her American friends, she got through just fine. I can imagine that could feel like a relief. But I could also imagine that it could feel annoying that you could only get through security on the merit of someone else’s citizenship. I wonder if that is how Iyer felt when his white, American friends began to complain that they were getting randomly checked at security. I wonder if it felt like a sigh of relief or if it just felt like another reminder of the difference of experiences and outside perceptions.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s I Have A Dream speech heard through this filter of inequality of expectations and experiences, can feel naive. I know Dr. King was well aware of the existence of inequalities, but some days it is hard for me to believe that his children can truly grow up and not face any of the impacts of racism that have colored our country since its very beginnings. With a closer look, I don’t think Dr. King is suggesting that the world will become perfect and his children will never face inequalities. Instead, I think he dreams that his children will finally have a chance to live amongst others who have different worries and realities than they do and get to finally love out their salvation together with fear and trembling. Living with others is hard work, especially if they see the world or experience it differently than you do. Dr. King knows it is hard work to live amongst others who are different, but I think he also knows that work can’t begin when the parties aren’t even allowed to interact because of systemic injustices.

Luckily for me and my group, we aren’t traveling alone. Although the men and the women in our group may experience the world differently, it doesn’t mean that it is impossible to live together and share common experiences. Although it isn’t perfectly equal to have only one part of our group worrying about their gender while traveling and the other doesn’t, traveling together and trying our best to carry each other's burdens as best we can may actually lead to a better overall experience in the long run. Maybe it is this sharing of my own burdens that will help free up my mind enough to get some sleep.

Image from http://www.sleepgoodnight.com/insomnia/coping-behaviors-perpetuate-insomnia/.